Living

I married my love on January 7, 2012 in a wedding that most would call nontraditional to say the least.  However, I would 't have changed a single thing about it because it involved our closest friends and family members. We married in at West Point bar.  Yep, a bar. Not any bar though. West Point is a place where I was able to let go and have fun with friends during the hardest months of my life.  It was for me, and me only and I didn't bring anyone in to it until I met Rick. Rick was accepted by all of my WP family like he had been there the entire time.  They embraced him with no prejudice or judgement, even when some felt over protective and concerned for me and my emotional well being.  Our friend Mark Kirby married us and this meant so much to us because he knew Rick before we were together and knew the mistakes Rick had made and now to see Rick come full circle and change his life in to that of true love and a much more honorable way of living.  This day was the day that I was able to truly believe my loss of Mark was finally put to rest.  Through a variety of ways I was shown that Mark was giving me to Rick and accepted Rick joining our family.  I have no more dreams of Mark, thoughts of missing Mark, or belief that if he were still alive I would be with him.  I can't imagine my life without Rick now.  Before I always believed that if Mark was still alive I wouldn't have been with Troy, but this time is very different.  I believe for years Mark has given me signs and dreams to show me that he was still present in my heart.  At one point I asked him, no I begged him, to let me go because I was overwhelmed with dreams of loosing him, loving him, and missing him.  I truly believe that I have found who I am suppose to e with, no matter what the challenges, we are meant to be together and Mark has finally let me go.  Does this mean that he's passed on fully now to the other side?  I don't know, but I do hope so because I want him to have the same peace that I now have.

However, with this marriage has come challenges.  The kids are still struggling to accept him and almost even more now that we are married.  Now that he is slowing embracing his step parent role the kids are embracing their limit testing roles.  With these conflicts have come challenges for us as a couple.  It is so new to me to have someone be fully involved in all aspects of my children.  How do I find the middle ground and work to accept his parenting techniques and help him accept mine?  I guess time, patience, and communication are key to it all. 

My life continues to change.  Everyday poses new challenges and new experiences.  Struggles will rise but it is up to me to make it through them with my children and husband in tact.